Spring. I love it. The weather gets warmer, the grass gets green, everything goes into blossom and then I can’t breath. I’m always torn between going outside and soaking up the sun or staying inside so I don’t have to take all kinds of medications to just breath. Sometimes I just go outside anyway and then feel the pain for days afterward. Pain radiating out from my sinuses, my eyes watering and my throat feeling like it’s going to close off from all the post nasal drip, nauseated from the dripping and then being unable to sleep from the pills, or alternatively being unable to stay awake or drive from the other pills. Worse yet, I can’t think straight, I can’t focus on anything for more than 5 minutes thanks to the medications.
It’s not surprising that my head gets kind of messed up in the spring. Love it or loathe it, I end up on an emotional rollercoaster where I’m trying to stay awake and work on my goals and then there are days when my goals seem so unattainable that I feel like giving up on everything. I think, “Why bother? I don’t have the energy to work on anything anyway. It can never happen because I don’t have the energy and thus don’t have the time.” I stop working on the stuff that matters the most to me, the blog, my classes and art.
I go to work. I come home. I try and sleep. Or I sleep all the time.
Attempting to make time to walk or eat right go out the window. I fall into bad habits and start to feel worse. I start to think, “Why bother?”
It’s that one thing that is the pin to all of this. Without the allergies I wouldn’t feel like this, so terrible.
And then things ease up, all the trees aren’t in blossom, the allergy medications start to work better as I’m not fighting off the pollen from everything. My breathing is more even and not raspy in my throat. My face doesn’t feel like someone tapped me with a baseball bat. Finally I can think again.